Old School

Im going to review the most technologically advanced gaming platform ever created. Let me make an illustration. Your going to the store to buy a soda (mountain dew in this instance because, unless you like guys, what else are you buying) and as you grab your keys to your minivan...WHAM!! A 24..36 whe....A REALLY HUGE TRUCK flips over and mountain dews (of all shapes, sizes, colors, and sexualities) come streaming onto your lawn. The driver comes out. Uninjured after Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender healed his wound and thiis beauiful beautiful man says a sentence that brings you tears.
"Is this your lawn?"
"Yes, I am the current owner of said lawn and minivan"
"Uhmm...Bullocks. Our company is currently in between in insurances right now and i sort of destroyed your mailbox and dented your minivan with my mirror."
"Oh its oka....Wait you DENTED MY MINIVAN? That is unacceptable."
"How about this..see everything on your lawn?"
You glance upon the thousands of delicious beverages laying in front of you.
"...Thats all yours if we pretend like this never happened."
As you try to hold back weeping for joy, you squeak out a petite "yes. sir" and he walks away and starts carting all this soda into your garage.

This is the equivalent of how good this gaming platform is. 
Now your probably wondering, What could this be, the Piss on my Face 3. XinaBox 360. or the Wii just wanna make massive profits off a game system? No, this was infact none other than...






LADDDDAAADDDAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
**DRUM ROLL**


The Nintendo 64
Unique Features of this
- Games never worked first time you put them in
-After hours of continuing to blow and clean games they dont work
-When your bored and dont really want to play..game works
-Ungodly difficult to hold controller
-Graphics equal to me drawing a stick figure

Some good stuff right there






















-Oh yeah, controller worked like 30% of the time.
-Randomly turns on and off and resets just to screw with you


But through all this slight and minor downfalls. Through this crappy gameplay and terrible graphics to this undeniable hate that oozes as you use it nintendo fixed it..they gave us..


JAMES BOND GOLDEN EYE 007


and this and a little bit of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is what shaped who I am today.


This has been a great waste of your time, hope you enjoyed the trip, Free jokes when you need them via my email. which i send via twitter through facebook off my gmail to yahoo and around to my blackberry where it gets eaten by the space time continuum. 


Have a Sick Nasty Awesome Jackelope Free Day!!! I hope...