"Aint no car window rolled up enough to keep me from gettin' my keys"

My friend Dave locked his keys in his car this morning. I asked him if I could use his story (which was very vague because he never tell me details) and write about it. His exact words were "Heck yes you may". So here it is, with a few minor edits. Its actually more of an "inspired by" or "based on". Unfortunately he gave me the title too, I'm so sorry for that.


It was a beautiful spring morning. The air was fresh, his ceiling had leak stains, and those pants were just a little too tight than they should EVER be. He was force choked out of bed by the Sith Lord and dropped onto his bathroom floor. He's starting to get used to that guy being around. Just wishes he'd pay his rent once in a while. He washed his face and brushed his pearly whites, eh sorta. Grabbing one of those cereal bars made out of cement and fluff he mosied on out to his car, which ironically is a white 2007 Subaru Forester named Roving Justice, but we say RJ for short.

He approached the car in a whimsical manner by doing a double full and landing right at the door. An audience applauded in his head. He reached into his pocket and nothing was there, except a small Mexican baby named Pablo, a three month old Quesadilla that he's "saving for the right time", his collection of quarters (he's up to four and were very proud), and a golden locket with Pablo's picture inside, but no keys. He was just about to run back inside when he looked, and there they were, not but an arm's reach away, inside the car. But there was hope, the window was cracked, not cracked in the sense had a crack in it but in the send a small child's hand could fit through.


Dave had had a spare set but it was stolen when an Indian women karate kicked them out of his hand and went off laughing maniacally down an alley. Thusly Dave had to come up with a more ingenious, more sinister plan. He quickly realized sinister wouldn't have worked very well and put the big rock down. He ran inside and thought quickly about what he had at his disposal so as not to be late to his job at his slogan selling company. There slogan is "we sell slogans at a discount price", they don't get very much business. 


He went rummaging throughout his desk and found what may be the the first paper clip ever made. It was rusted, growing hair and was been married. Now he needed something long, which he could just not find. He was dialing triple A when suddenly something clicked and he ran outside. He took of the shoe and wait...I thought I said he didn't break the window, oh never mind...he took out the shoelace, makes sense now right? He wraps the shoelace onto the paper clip (ingenious no?) and drops into this little "crack" and put on his fishing hat. He catches the very tip of the lock, winds back and boom he got it, he caught the big one. The door swings open catching his woohoos but he slides into the vehicle gently fondling himself to alleviate the pain. Dave had done it. Dave had got his keys (which he left in the ignition. They just let him out of the institution, so hes allowed a few bad episodes right?) HE CONQUERED HIS PROBLEM and sorta kinda made witty slogans all day.
Please everyone, thank Mr. Dave for letting me retell, in exact detail of course, his little adventure.
Dedicated to Dave, wherever you are, god rest you...wait your alive soooo, uhh. have a good one Dave!